I wasn’t going to post one of these “Moom’s Views” for a couple of weeks, but I thought I may as well make a start now. So, today’s topic is about bullying. It hasn’t been very widely covered in the news recently, but there has been a drive to combat cyberbullying, so I may as well make a start.
The main problem with bullying is that it’s almost impossible to deal with sufficiently. The bullies tend to be the “problem” students – the ones who the schools will lose a lot of money if they kick them out – so it’s easier to segregate the victims. The victims are told to stay away from the bullies – they’re told to stay in the library at break and lunchtime, and to go out of their way to avoid contact. The second one, I can understand but it isn’t easy – sometimes, you can’t get away from them no matter what – but the first one is ridiculous. You’re essentially punishing the victim for being bullied – why can’t you keep the BULLY in the library at breaktime and lunchtime – surely that’d be seen as a punishment. After all, bullies tend not to be the sort to enjoy being stuck in a room full of books, especially seeing as they seem to find school so boring, they become intent on disrupting it for everyone.
People get bullied for different reasons – because of the way they look, or the way they behave, or just aspects of their personality that make them stand out in any way. It could be something ridiculous like being clever – by everyone else, it’s seen as a good thing, but by the bullies, it makes the person stand out. Bullies are inherently attention seekers, and so seeing someone else getting attention for something good is never going to go down well with them – so they bully them. There’s one thing that it’s important for every bullying victim to remember – it isn’t you, it’s the bully. If they find themselves so concerned with what another person looks like, or how they behave, or what they say, it’s a sign that something is missing in their own lives. It’s a cliche, but bullying often really is just down to jealousy.
Of course, that’s all fine and good being written down here – when it’s actually happening, it feels like the whole world is against you (trust me, I know). Often, the only thing that can be done is to retaliate. I’ll probably get slated for advocating retaliation, but it tends to be the only thing that works – once you show the bully you can hit back (whether that’s verbal or physical), they’re far less likely to bother you again. However, you then run the risk of getting in trouble – somehow, there’s always a bigger punishment for the well-behaved, quiet ones who finally snap than for the obnoxious bullies who’ll never change. That’s another thing I think is unfair, but it seems to be the same everywhere you go, and it’s something that teachers need to be educated about. If you tell a child who’s finally snapped after ages of bullying that they’re a “bully”, you’ll be doing them great damage. I was accused of bullying – it was actually a case of retaliation, and wanting to tell my side of the story after weeks of being slated by everyone because I was trying to be the bigger person – and rather than ask for my side of the story, I was told that I was a bully by the tutor at college, and that made me angry. I confronted the person about it – and the accusations of bullying only increased after this.
I’ve endured bullying, and the one thing I’ve always said I’ll never do is bully anyone – bullies are vile, and scum, and deserve everything that karma can throw at them. I’m not a bully, and I never have been, and to be accused of being one is sickening – but over time, I’ve come to realize that the people who matter know the truth, and anyone who wants to believe the lies can go ahead and believe them, but more fool them – hopefully they’ll find out the truth in the end.
The news that 28% of 11-16 year olds have been bullied online is shocking – and to those who say “Oh, they can just turn off the computer”, they may be able to turn off the computer, but they can’t turn off the words that have been said, and they’ll probably be ringing in their ears for long after they’ve logged out and turned off the computer. It’s time for there to be a real crack-down on bullies, with severe punishments implemented, not just on the bullies, but on their parents if they fail to do anything about it, and the school if they allow it to continue without taking measures to prevent it – and I don’t mean punishing the victim by making them sit in the library, I mean talking to the parents of the bullies, suspension and, if that doesn’t work, expulsion – and in cases where expulsion is necessary, the police must ALWAYS be involved. We can’t pander to the needs of bullies any more – and they can’t be allowed to use the excuse of a bad home life – EVERYONE has the conscious choice of whether to throw that punch or call someone a horrible name, and there are plenty of people who’ve had crap lives and they haven’t ended up as bullies. It isn’t something that should be written off as “character-building” (try depression-inducing), or “just kids being kids” – it should be considered a crime, and punishable as such.
If you or anyone you know is enduring bullying, advise them to contact Childline – 0800 1111 -, and to check out the BeatBullying website – http://www.beatbullying.org , and the project linked to it; CyberMentors. And more importantly, remember – you’re not alone.
the life of a moomin 