It’s twenty to ten at night, and I should be happy. I’ve had a great day today, I’m at uni, I’m doing all these great things, I’m making something of myself – my fiance is coming to see me tomorrow and we’re going to have a great weekend. So why am I sitting here in tears? Because tonight I’ve read something that’s shown me just how easily it could all have been so very, horribly different.
On October 10th, Amanda Todd died. If you haven’t heard about her, you’re probably thinking “Oh – well, it’s sad, but why is she blogging about it?”. I’m blogging about it because Amanda Todd was 15 years old, and she committed suicide after relentless bullying.
Why is there still bullying? Why haven’t people learned that it’s easier, and nicer for everyone to get along – and if that’s too hard, to at least have the decency and respect to keep any negative opinions to themselves? Is there something inside some people that means they’re programmed to bully? Why is it present in some kids from the age of three or four – is that because of their parents, or are some people always meant to be bullies, and others always meant to be victims?
I don’t understand what pleasure people can get from putting others down and making them feel bad about themselves. Do they not feel overwhelmed with guilt? I really fail to understand it. I don’t buy the whole “bullies need sympathy” spiel – yeah, they may be having some hardship in their life, but do you know what – a lot of people have to go through hardship BECAUSE of those people, and you don’t see the majority of them continuing the cycle. Bullying is inexcusable – I don’t care what the reason is. If you wake up in the morning and think “I’m having a bad time… on the bright side, I can criticize _____’s weight/hair/clothes later, that’ll make me feel better”, GO BACK TO SLEEP. Stay in bed, stay in your house until you feel like you can be a decent human being as opposed to a disgusting excuse for a person.
Back to Amanda Todd. She posted a video in September about the bullying she was going through – she didn’t speak or show her full face, but she explained her story, the mistakes she’d made – small, nothing-y mistakes in the big picture – and the constant, unyielding barrage of hate she’s received in return. The thing is – teenagers make mistakes, humans make mistakes. We learn from them and move on. The people with real problems are the ones who can’t move on, the ones who feel the need to bring it up again and again, years after it’s happened. Surely it shows there’s something missing in their lives?
Normally I don’t really like people who post pictures of their scars from self harming online – it can sometimes seem like silly attention-seeking as opposed to a cry for help, especially when it’s all Picasa-edited and put on Tumblr with depressing song quotes accompanying it. However, at the end of her video, Amanda included a picture of what we assume is her arm, with some really nasty cuts on it, and I think it’s a good thing that she put it on there. Maybe anyone found to be bullying should be sat in a room and forced to look at pictures like that one (it’s pretty graphic so I won’t be posting a link to the video on here, I’m sure that if you Google search “Amanda Todd”, you’ll find it – I definitely recommend watching it, but I won’t put it in the post just in case anyone who doesn’t want to see it, sees something they don’t like), and maybe then it’ll make those bullies realize the damage they can cause.
I was bullied, and I self-harmed – pretty badly at times. I never took pictures, but the scars still show up sometimes – I went swimming today, and I don’t know if it was the chlorine or the water in general, but they do show up on my arm. I still feel self-conscious about them, but at the same time, they’re a sign that I survived. Unfortunately, there are so many young people out there who aren’t as lucky as I am. They aren’t lucky enough to have understanding parents, or a sympathetic doctor, or access to counselling and above all, a wonderful person who changes your life for the better in so many ways. They’re left alone, without anyone to help – and that’s why things like this happen. That’s why girls like Amanda Todd do things like drink bleach and slit their wrists. Take boys like Cade Poulos (the 13-year old boy who killed himself in Oklahoma at the end of September) and Jack Reese, a 17-year-old from Utah who killed himself in April – and bullying is the reason why they also both committed suicide.
Bullying kills – so why aren’t bullies ever arrested in these situations, for murder or at least manslaughter? Why are they allowed to get away with it, to live their lives normally when they’ve shattered so many others. Maybe some of them regret their actions, but I’m guessing the majority of them like to pretend it never happened, to act like they had nothing to do with it. They are the ones who take the easy way out. Before anyone says “suicide is the coward’s easy way out”, you’re wrong. The bully has it easy – they get to carry on living their life, and if they’re cold-hearted enough to push someone into taking their own life, I doubt they’ll lose much sleep over it. The victim has to make an enormous choice, fighting their emotions, feeling lost and worst of all, alone.
So this evening’s been a tough one. I’ve cried a fair bit and right now, all I want is a cuddle – and to know I only have to wait until tomorrow helps, but in the mean time, I needed to get it out – so I made a video. Call me self-indulgent, call me emo, call me whatever you want – this is my call to anyone who’s been bullied, who’s been made to feel worthless thanks to the words and actions of others – we need to stand up. We can’t sit there in silence anymore – the world needs to hear our story, and they need to change their preconceptions about us.
So yeah… here’s my story.
the life of a moomin 