So… three weeks today, I go to university. I move away from home three weeks today, to a new place with new people and new experiences. I’m excited, don’t get me wrong – I can’t wait to meet new people, and the thought of independence is exciting – but it’s also really scary. I’m in the same town for uni where I was in hospital back in April, and I think a lot of my fears stem from the fact that I was so aware of how far away everyone was from me when I was up there. I think I need to remind myself that in April, I was in hospital – I was poorly, I didn’t want to be there and I didn’t have a choice about it. In this case, I’ve made the choice to go to university, I can visit home whenever I want, I can easily chat to my family on Skype or Facebook and I’ll be having fun – I won’t be ill (save for the Freshers Flu, which I’m bound to end up with), and I’ll be with new friends.
I think this will only get more nervewracking in the next three weeks. Looking at my bedroom, with the pile of bags and boxes ready for uni, only serves to remind me of just how soon it is. I’ve got loads of stuff ready – pillows and sheets, boxes and decorations and towels and bathroom stuff – so I know that physically, I’m pretty prepared. The question is, am I prepared mentally? I’m looking forwards to the course – my best friend from college is doing the exact same course as me, so I know that friends won’t be too much of an issue. I also know that I got great results at A Level, so I’m ready for it. I’m looking forwards to meeting the people who’ll be in my flat – I’ve already spoken to some of them on Facebook, so I’m looking forward to actually meeting them. I’m looking forward to parties, to nights in with pizza and films, to living independently and shopping for myself and cleaning up after myself.
I’m dreading leaving my family behind.
I’m so scared that my fiance will get sick of me being away, and I’ll get home to find out he’s with someone else. I’m terrified that my dog won’t recognise me when I go home. I’m scared of being away from my family, purely because I’ve never been away from them for so long. It’ll be nice to challenge myself, to live on my own without my parents there to correct me before I go wrong, but that doesn’t make it any less scary. I’m worried I’ll be really homesick and end up shutting myself away and not make any new friends. I’m worried that people will think I’ve changed since I’ve been at uni. I’m worried because I’ll miss my fiance so much – he’s everything to me, and I hate the thought of being so far away from him. It’s not a huge distance – people continue relationships across continents – but for me, it’ll seem massive, because I’m so used to being so conveniently close to him.
So, in short, the feelings are a bit mixed at the moment. Excitement and fear are having a bit of a battle, and I’m not sure who’s going to win. All I can do is hope that by the time I’m settled in at uni, all my fears will be gone, replaced with excitement for what’s bound to be a great year – and as many chances to go back and visit my family (and yes, I do include my fiance in that) as often as possible.
the life of a moomin 