XXX Rated Post – The Weirdest Porn Show Names

Yeah, so this is probably going to be unsuitable for under 18s. In fact, I’m nearly 19, and I’m cringing at the state of some of these. You’d think, if they’re trying to turn people on, they’d find better names for their TV shows – and better descriptions. For your reading pleasure, here’s some of the best that appear on TV at around 2am on a boiling hot Thursday morning.

CHALET GIRLS – Gabby is feeling the cold in the chalet, and gets snowboarder Clarke to light a fire for her. She rewards him with a sandwich and then gives him dessert.

WHERE’S DAVE? 4 – The actual description isn’t too bad. I think the title is absolutely awful, but what makes it worse is that it suggests there’s been a Where’s Dave? 1, 2 and 3.

GREAT BRITISH GRANNIES 2/1 – G is working as a secret agent for MISex (??) and fancies the pants off fellow agent Storm, a busty and bespectacled mature who’s licenced to thrill.

IN THE FAMILY – Again, a fairly “normal” description… but surely you’d be extra EXTRA wary of any porn film called “In The Family”?

BABERELLA 2 – Syren Sexton’s gorgeous space babe is rescued by a handsome blind angel who flies her to his nest and is rewarded by some sex that is truly out of this world. There goes his angel status.

DOWNWARD SPIRAL – A creepy taxi driver takes Sandy to a deserted factory, where he robs her. While trying to escape she witnesses many perverted situations. Still a better love story than Twilight.

SEX TAPES – Do you often wonder what gorgeous lesbians get up to on a sleepover? Somehow I’m thinking this isn’t a sleepover of the “movies and popcorn variety”.

 

That’s just a small selection – and it’s just entertained me for half an hour (looking through the show names, you dirty minded people – I’ve actually got Jerry Springer on, which is almost as bad). By the way, I found Where’s Dave? 2. His big, mature girlfriend is wondering what he’s playing at, and doesn’t he want to visit her for some adult fun? He might, but I don’t. I’ll leave you with what sums up my feelings quite accurately after the last half an hour.

 

Naming Characters

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about how I do something – I think the last one may have been writing about first kisses ages ago? – so, I shall do a new one today, about how I come up with the names for my characters.

Usually, in all the books I’ve attempted to write before, I’ve picked ones that have specific meanings, or are literary names – for example, in a previous one, the heroine was called Hero Bronte Murphy (before I developed a deep-seated hatred for whichever Bronte sister wrote Wuthering Heights [I really should figure this out before I sit the Wuthering Heights exam in June]) – Hero because of the character from “Much Ado About Nothing” (again, before we started studying it in English) and Bronte because of the literary connotations (my justification for this is because it’s set fairly far in the future and deals with humans away from Earth, the parents would want to keep the memory of classic literature alive).

Then, when it came to this one, naming characters came very naturally. There was no looking online or searching for fancy meanings – all the names just occurred to me when I was writing about the characters. The two main characters are called Lilly and Adam – Lilly because I was reading Harry Potter at the time, and Adam because it seems to sound nice with Lilly and is a fairly modern man’s name, which is what I was looking for. There is a Welsh Celtic warrior called Daeron Pentraeth – Daeron was just a celtic-sounding one, and I wanted it to begin with a D because of the person his character is very loosely based on. Pentraeth is Welsh for head of the beach, and to be honest there’s no real meaning behind it, he isn’t the head of a beach or anything, I just wanted a Welsh surname and that’s the first one that occurred to me. Another character is a young girl, Imogen Love – again, just because I like the name “Imogen”,  and Love is a cool surname which completely contrasts with her family life.

There isn’t actually anyone with an out-there name, I don’t think – my characters this time have names like Charles, Ella, David, Bryce, Aaron, Joe, Harry etc compared to when it used to be ridiculous names I couldn’t even pronounce, because I set so much store by the meaning of it. Obviously I try not to pick names with stupid meanings that make the name ridiculous, but for many of them, I haven’t actually looked at what their names mean – obviously Lilly is after a flower, and I think Adam is Biblical, but Daeron is completely made up and I haven’t the foggiest about the rest of them, and the meanings had no influence on what I chose.

I hope that’s a sign that my writing skills are improving and maturing, because I want to focus on making a more natural, believable story than one where I’ve picked names I’m really pleased with, but possibly to the detriment of the story itself!

However, if you do want to pick names with a meaning, a website I’ve found to be absolutely invaluable is behindthename – http://www.behindthename.com – because you can search for names by meaning or words in the description, and you can also search by language and origin. I don’t want it to come across that I’m saying picking names with a meaning is wrong all the time, but the way I did it was very wrong – even if the name didn’t suit the character at all, I’d pick it because I liked the meaning, which made the stories quite bad to write because I didn’t like writing about the characters.

Moom’s Views – Starbucks’ New Deal – Coffee and Identity Fraud?

Don’t be so bloody daft.

There is currently an “outrage” because Starbucks, the coffee chain, have adopted in the UK a system they use in the US – asking for a customer’s first name when they take the order. Starbucks say that this is to make it a bit more personal and friendly, but there’s also a practical element to it too – rather than shouting out “Tall Latte”, which is what twenty people in the shop might be waiting for, if they call out the name, there’ll be little or no confusion as to whose it is.

Of course, Britain is now in uproar because it is just Starbucks’ way of committing identity fraud, of course, as with your first name and coffee order they can access a HUGE wealth of personal information and make you rue the day you set foot in one of their ridiculously overpriced but admittedly lovely coffee shops. As soon as they know that your first name is John, and you like to indulge in a grande mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream, they will know your bank account details, the name of your first pet, where you live, your phone number, your National Insurance number, where you work and your Deepest Darkest Secrets.

We need to stop being so bloody stupid and spotting “conspiracies” where there are none. What crime is there in trying to be kind? When kids riot, smashing up family businesses that have been open for decades, destroying houses, tearing apart families, we say “Aww, bless, it’s not they’re fault the government is putting them at a disadvantage, they have every right to be angry”. When a barista, under orders from her boss and her company to ask you your first name (you can even make one up for heavens’ sake!), to make her job that little bit easier, to make your experience that little bit easier (ever had the humiliation of trying to walk off with someone else’s order thinking it’s yours?), and maybe even to try and make you feel that little bit happier, she suddenly becomes public enemy number one and is trying to find out every minute detail of your life.

It takes minimal energy and very little time to make up a name, and even less to just say your own. People say they are “uncomfortable” with the idea of telling someone their first name. How the hell do you fill in forms, or talk to people on the phone, or even meet new people if you don’t want someone to know your first name!? Change it if you hate it so much, or just get over it and tell them. No-one’s holding a gun to your head, forcing you to say your real name, and the world isn’t going to swallow you up if you do tell them your real name.

Why do some people seem to be so opposed to friendliness? Who cares if you’ll never see them again, who cares if you don’t particularly like the look of them, just don’t kick up a fuss – they have a job to do, they don’t care if you give your real first name, they may not particularly like you, but they’ve been asked to do it by their bosses, they might lose their jobs if they don’t and then they’ll be yet more “unemployed youth scroungers” for you to get all worked up about. You can run home and cry about it on the comments page of the Daily Mail if it irks you so badly, but remember – if you don’t like it, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THERE!