When I refer to this character as “my character”, I don’t just mean a character I created (mainly because she isn’t a character I created; she is the intellectual property of Christopher Maine and all rights and copyright is his, etc), I mean a character who is based on me in terms of personality, which I think is why not only is she taking on aspects of my personality, but I am also taking on aspects of hers since I’ve started writing this origins novel.
So a brief introduction to the character; without giving away too much, in the bit that I’m writing she is a young girl, but she’s obviously the same character who Christopher Maine has written about as an adult in his books (although she hasn’t been in them much yet). She’s cocky and confident, she’s determined and she’s also, in some ways, quite masculine – not in appearance, but she’s always preferred the company of guys to girls, and feels very at home talking sports and cars – more so than she does talking guys and fashion. A lot of that is based on me, especially the feeling more comfortable around guys and girls, and the determination. But I’ve taken on some of her personality aspects since writing – I’ve definitely been more confident recently, but that could also be the fact that I’m at uni, and it does seem to have boosted my confidence a lot, I feel happy to approach people, to have conversations and to give my opinions on things. A big part of that is also that part of the character as I write her that’s based on me is that she’s quite bouncy and excitable, which is a trait she’s got from me – but she doesn’t hide it, which is a recent trait I’ve gotten for her.
Some people might not like that kind of thing – art imitating life and life imitating art, or whatever – but I like it. This story is going better than any I’ve ever written before, and I think a big part of that is because I have this connection to the main character – we are learning from each other and, in a way, making each other better people. Some people might say it’s vain to be writing about yourself, but I didn’t create this character – I’m just giving her a backstory, a reason why she is the way she is in the actual series by Christopher Maine. At the end of the day, it really does help – I’ve always based characters on people I know, but this is the first time I’ve written about a character who is almost completely based on myself, and whilst it’s a bit of a weird experience, it’s also really rewarding – I’ve become quite philosophical recently and really started thinking about who I am; what sort of person I am, aspects of my personality I like and aspects that I dislike, and I’ve started to feel quite positive about myself.
I’ve hated myself in the past, and although that’s eased a little, I’d never say I’ve really liked myself before – but just recently, I’m starting to realize that it’s not a crime to like yourself. Why should it be a crime to have a bit of confidence, to realize your talents, to realize that people do like you and that there are reasons why they like you? There’s a difference between liking yourself and being arrogant, and although sometimes it can be a fine line, that’s more because there are people who interpret any confidence as arrogance, and seem to think that people should just accept that they’re flawed and nothing can make them a good person. Look at things like Project Beautiful – if we can do that for others, why can’t we do it for ourselves?
I like that I laugh a lot. I like that I can still be childish and have a good time without worrying what people think of me. I like that I get on with guys better than girls, because guys are usually genuine and don’t talk about you behind your back. Recently I learned that I have good comedic timing, and I like that because it means it seems I did quite well in my monologue assessment. I also learned recently that there must be some talent for writing in me, because I’ve been shortlisted for the Wicked Young Writer’s Award – I’m down to the last 20 in my age category, which has to be a good sign!
Sure, there are bits of me I’m not too keen on – I don’t like that I’m impulsive and don’t think before I speak. I don’t like that I’m messy and a complete scatterbrain sometimes and can forget to do something I’ve only just promised to do. I don’t like that I’m about as graceful as an elephant and can’t dance to save my life. But do I hate myself? Absolutely not. What’s the point of living eighty years or more in a body you hate, with a personality you can’t stand. I’m beyond the point of hating my body – that’s something I like about myself, is that now, instead of seeing my weight, which I don’t like, or my eyes, which seem to be differently-shaped, I do what I can about the bits I don’t like – trying to exercize and get fit, for example – and I focus on the bits I like. I’m happy with my hair colour at the moment, although I am going blue. I like the colour of my eyes, even if I don’t like the shape. I like my nose. I like my skin and my complexion – I’ve never struggled with acne or anything like that.
Now is the time to start on my personality. I’ll ignore the impulsiveness and the messiness – I can try and improve on those things, but they’re a part of me. Instead, I’ll focus on the fact that I love to laugh. The fact that I can write fast, and the stuff I write isn’t half bad. The fact that I can’t bear grudges, so people always get second… and third… and fourth chances, but it also avoids a lot of bitchiness, especially when you get certain people who just live to create drama for themselves. The fact that nothing that’s happened in my life has stopped me from getting to right here and right now, which is exactly where I want to be.
the life of a moomin 