Resolutions

This year I’m not making new year’s resolutions. Last year I made quite a few and I think I did keep many of them – I said b I’d finish a novel and I did, I said I’d do Nanowrimo and I finished the month with over 100k words, and I said I’d think about losing weight and although I’ve yo-yoed a bit when it came to my weight I’ve ended the year lighter than I was when I started, so I consider that a success.

My reason for not doing resolutions this year? Its because all the things I resolved to do were okay, but they were minor successes compared to the things I never dreamed I’d do in 2012. I never imagined that I would write a short story that would get me a place at an awards ceremony in London and a piece in the Wicked Young Writers anthology.

I never imagined I’d get engaged in 2012, or that I’d do so well in my A Levels (one of my resolutions was to get three Cs, so getting ABB felt incredible), and I think the biggest achievement for me was raising over £300 with my fiance for Birmingham Children’s Hospital in memory of my brother, by running a half marathon on what would have been his fifteenth birthday. That was just incredible, and will always be my proudest moment.

So in 2013 I’m going to go with the flow and let life surprise me, because if there’s one lesson I’ve learned this year, it’s that the best achievements are the ones you least expect.

My new blog!

Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean the end of this blog. I had an idea whilst I was browsing Amazon the other day – I found a book called Listography, where you basically document your life in lists. It sounds like a great idea, but I figured that why buy a book, when you can just make your own? That’s where 365 Days Of Maddy was created. I’m going to write one list every day for 365 days (and if I miss one day, I have to make it up by writing two lists the next day, and so on).

The reasons why I’m doing this? First and foremost, it’s something to do when I’m bored. Second, I think it’ll help me learn more about myself, and it might inspire other people to do the same. Thirdly, some of the lists I have ideas for – tattoos I want, things I want to do before I die – might be the inspiration to actually go ahead and do them. Some of the lists have been written in the past couple of weeks and I’m just waiting to post them up, others will be fairly spontaneous. If anyone has any ideas for list themes, please comment either on this blog or on the list blog!

I am going to post more on this blog, I promise – I used to update nearly every day, now the posts are getting more sporadic and so are the viewing figures. I appreciate everyone who continues to read this blog!

You can find my new blog at www.365daysofmaddy.wordpress.com

A Letter To My 13-Year-Old Self.

Revision is not going well – my mind just really isn’t in it today – so I’ve decided to change things a little bit, and I am going to write a letter to my 13 year old self. The power of hindsight is a wonderful thing, and there are many things that I think would have turned out better had I heeded the advice I’m about to give myself. That said, I’m so happy how I am today, so don’t read this and assume I’m not happy with my life. This is partly a writing exercize, and partly because I’m bored.

Dear 13-year-old-me,

The next few years are going to be tough on you, and right now you’re not prepared for them at all. You’re still drifting through school, not really paying much attention to lessons other than ones that interest you and you have a few friends, but you’re not exactly popular. So, here’s my advice for you over the next four years, to wind up as awesome (if not awesome-r) as your current, 17 year old self.

• Pay attention in Maths and Science lessons. Yes, it’s boring. Yes, we hate science and maths, but you will regret not paying attention – I find myself wishing I understood maths and science better because I struggle with it, I’ve forgotten virtually everything I used to be able to remember and I think there’s a few times where it could’ve been handy. Had I listened more when I was your age, I could have gotten As in the sciences and a B in Maths. I’m happy with the Cs in Maths and Physics and the Bs in Biology and Chemistry, but I know it could have been better, if I’d gotten over the fact that I find them boring and paid more attention.
• You’re too young for boys. Disregard all boys that come your way until December 31st, 2010 and you’ll end up very happy and not with a load of self-esteem issues that still bug you to this day.
• If someone whose name begins with “D”, who enjoys science fiction, writing and acting reveals that he likes you a lot on December 31st, 2010, don’t hesitate to admit that you return those feelings, because by the time you’re my age, you will have had the best 17 months of your life.
• Learn as many musical instruments as possible! Start playing the guitar and ukulele early, I only started a couple of years ago and I regret not learning earlier because I could be so much better by now. Keep going with the singing, regardless of what people say – in the future, it will open a lot of doors for you.
• Take every opportunity to perform that you get, and don’t let confidence issues convince you out of it.
• Don’t bring your problems home and take them out on your family. They’re struggling with your teenage mood swings enough, let alone having to put up with you being a royal pain thanks to other things happening in your life.
• Don’t wait as long as I did to get a sudden confidence boost. When you’re in a situation with new people, introduce yourself. Be friendly and be yourself, but for god’s sake, CALM DOWN A BIT. If you’re hyper it’s only going to scare people away. By the time you’re my age, you’ll have found a happy medium – when you need to be, you can be serious, but you’re also not afraid to be goofy and go a little crazy, especially when you’re scaring pigeons away and screaming as crabs chase you.
• Don’t spent your time worrying about what other people think about you. One of the most stupid things I’ve ever done is change myself into a quiet, reserved person because I was worried that people would mistake my… well, I like to think of it as quirkiness … for special needs or something like that. These days, people can think that about me if they want, it just shows their ignorance because they don’t take the time to get to know me and find out that I don’t have SEN, I’m just making the most of being a child before I turn 18.
• School isn’t the be-all and end-all. For all I said about paying attention in Maths and Science, don’t let it take over your life! Chill out a little bit or you’re going to get stressed and over-worked. Do all your homework when you get it, do work in the lessons rather than chatting and messing about – which, by the way, doesn’t help with the whole “People assuming you’re special” issue – and you won’t have to spend hours at home trying to do it but failing because you didn’t listen to the teacher.
• Don’t stress about not becoming a prefect – at the end of the day, the teachers were right. The prefects ended up as basically targets for the misbehaving students, and you can do without that stress in your GCSE year. Plus, I don’t think it turned out to be quite as good as people thought it would be. And hey, most of your friends didn’t get to be prefect either, so it’s not like you’re the only one. You’ll end up having an amazing Year 11 regardless, and no matter how many times you say you can’t wait to leave, as soon as you get to college you’ll be wishing you were back there again!
• There are certain people you shouldn’t bother with, and others who you should bother with more. I’m not going to name them here out of respect for their privacy, but when someone is a friend to you, don’t be mean to them – and when someone is mean to you, for heavens’ sake don’t try to build bridges, it’ll only lead to more trouble in the long run. Small arguments are going to happen, especially when some of you have such personality clashes, but there are people you still speak to today who you had arguments with in the past and got over them, and that’s worth it. On the other hand, there are people you ignored the major arguments with and insisted things would change, and now there’s irrepairable damage. Still, don’t assume that’s a bad thing.
• You are going to miss your friends a hell of a lot when you go to college, so make sure you stay in touch with them over Facebook! Never underestimate the value of social networking; for all its faults it also has advantages.
• Deefer is going to die, and it’s going to absolutely break your heart, but don’t worry and DON’T blame yourself. You’ll have another dog and she will change your life completely, so much for the better.
• Stop wearing make-up earlier than I did. You’re beautiful without it, it can destroy people’s skin and you’ll feel so much better for it. Special occasions will feel more special when you’re getting ready and putting make-up on, and it’ll save you money when you’re not wasting £5 a time on foundation.
• Don’t worry about the future. When you’re 13, university isn’t something you need to worry about. You’ll go through ups and downs of wanting to go and not wanting to go, and you won’t know what course you want to do and at times you’ll just feel like giving it all up, but don’t! As I’m writing this, I’m looking at a box by my window which is slowly filling up with things ready for university, and it makes me smile because I’m going to university – despite everything, I’m going to go.
• In short, to borrow a favourite quote of mine, live like there’s no tomorrow. Laugh every chance you get. Learn from your mistakes – and don’t make them again! Love the people who will love you back. Live the life you love and you’ll love the life you live.

Don’t worry. Life’s going to throw some nasty stuff at you, and you’ll have the scars to show for it when you get to my age, but you’re going to get through. Nothing can get you down – you’re strong and you’re beautiful and, one day, you’ll be writing this post to your thirteen year old self, looking back on the years and realizing that regardless of what is thrown your way, you’re stronger than you seem, braver than you believe and smarter than you think, and I think you’re going to be just fine.

Last-Minute Nerves!

The memorial to Harold Lowe will be unveiled on Sunday, and I’m getting quite nervous. I don’t know why – it’s not as if I even have to do anything, I’m just going to stand there and watch them unveil it – but it’s like, this is the product of almost two years of campaigning and work on and off, and it’s taken off in a way I never could have imagined. When I started it, I hoped that a letter to the newspaper and a facebook group might warrant, at best, a letter from the council saying they’d erect a memorial, which was all I really wanted – that’s the whole reason why I started the campaign. It was hard at times, especially when people used to ask me why I wasn’t campaigning for something “a little more worthwhile” (kind of ignoring the fact that I’ve been too busy with this for two years but once it’s done I’m going to work on fundraising for charities that are close to my heart if I can squish it in around university and stuff), but I stuck with it because I think that it is a worthwhile cause – it will be worth it for his family, who have waited for generations to see him remembered, and for people who will go to Barmouth and learn about him.

But back to the reason why I’m nervous. It seems to have grown into a big thing – people are travelling a fair distance to come and see it unveiled, including members of his family, and there’s going to be a samba band, the air cadets doing a guard, the lifeboat crew and a choir there. There’s nothing really for me to be nervous about – I know what I’m wearing, how I’m going to have my hair and everything, so there’s nothing about me that I’m worried about – I just really hope it goes well! I want the weather to be great, I want people to be there, I want people to be happy that it’s there and I want it to be something that Barmouth can be proud of.