Bad days are always the most productive…

Ugh. Bleh. Ew and Meh. Those are all words which sum up my day. I have been feeling so poorly, struggling to move, had to miss a lecture and what would have been an interesting afternoon of filming because I am poorly and I hate it.

That said, today has also been oddly productive. I’ve caught up and zoomed ahead on Camp NaNoWriMo, so I’m now ahead of schedule and should have enough leeway to miss a couple of days of writing over the weekend. I’ve called up and booked in my third tattoo (there was me saying I’d have one a year at most; this is my third in the last twelve months!) in a week and a bit, and I’ve done a fair bit of uni work too, so I think I’m fairly caught up in that respect, and yet I still feel so ill!

So, despite the fact I’ve signed up for a 3 mile run (more on that later), and despite the fact I told myself I’d eat healthily, AND despite the fact I didn’t plan on spending any more money today, I have no choice but to drag myself to ALDI and see what vaguely-healthy-but-still-yummy things they have to make me feel better.

There will be a (rejoiceful) Camp NaNo update later!

Writing Away!

Spurred on by my recent piece of writing (Night Of The Living Love, Actually), I’ve decided that I want to write a full-on zombie novel; without the mushy love story (I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know!). I want to write it differently though – it’s from the point of view of a girl living in the only zombie-free area in the world, and what happens when the barriers break and all the protective measures fall, and a group of zombie rights campaigners have to lead a group of people who are completely inexperienced at fighting and totally unprepared to battle zombies, in a war to save the world. All sounds very cheesy and lovely, right?

So, we have our main character, who starts off about as anti-zombie as you can get – a young American who’s managed to escape the virus ravaging the country, only to discover that the rest of the world isn’t doing too great either. She’s a blogger (I promise that’s where the similarities with me end!) and eventually discovers that she cares about the zombies and doesn’t want to fight them, but must if she wants herself – and her family – to survive.

I’m not going to divulge any more than that, because I plan on uploading it to fictionpress and posting it here for you all and I don’t want to spoil it, but if you see me jabbering on about zombies over the next few months, that’s why. I’ve already started my research – that is, I’ve read Max Brookes’ “Zombie Survival Guide” and have just started on “World War Z”, I watched some of “Dead Set” (I’m sure it would’ve been helpful if my novel was set in the Big Brother house, but alas, it isn’t) and I’m going to watch “28 Days Later” and many other zombie films, no doubt scaring myself silly in the process.

I don’t want my novel to be some ethical yarn about how even zombies have feelings and are human (no they don’t and no they’re not, otherwise they wouldn’t be zombies!)  – I want it to scare the reader and make them see this as a potential future and think about what they’d do. I’m not saying I believe that in the future there will be zombies, but we’re already starting to see the outbreaks of a possible zombie apocalypse, what with the bath salts craze… I kid, honestly. Still, I don’t think there’s anything scarier than the psychological warfare some authors utilize so well, creating the impression that however supernatural and improbable, this could happen one day – or may even be starting to happen at this very minute.

In other news, my sleep pattern is still messed up but I’m hoping that existing on about an hour of sleep in the past 24+ hours will mean that I’ll fall asleep almost instantly tonight and get back into a routine. I’m going on holiday in 5 days, which is very exciting, and I’m 18 in 9 days, which is very very exciting! There’s free Wi-Fi in some areas so I’ll try to keep you all updated, but things are going to be sporadic. I have a big weekend ahead too – especially Saturday, where it seems things are a bit non-stop – but I promised I’d keep blogging regularly now that my exams are over, and that’s what I intend to do. Particularly now that I’ve started writing again, I can start  blogging about what this was actually intended for – my writing! There’s also the good news that I’ve started reading for fun again – I was worried that studying English would ruin reading for me, and I don’t think my frayed relationship with Wuthering Heights will ever be repaired (sorry, Emily Bronte, but your ever-changing narrative perspective and use of dialect annoyed me, even more so when I had to analyze it, and it’s just not going to work out. It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s studying English A Level). However, I’ve started reading World War Z and can’t wait to read more once I’m all caught up on sleep, and after that I’m going to re-read one of my all-time favourite novels, “To Kill A Mockingbird”. That’s probably the only text I’ve studied that I haven’t ended up at least disliking, if not hating, and I think that’s because it’s written in a way that’s easy to relate to because we can remember those lazy childhood summers where the tiniest thing became the hugest adventure, and because I had a brilliant teacher who made the book come alive. Health-wise, things still aren’t great – now waiting on a specialist and a chest x-ray, which isn’t going to be fun – but it’s all progress in making me better, and if it means I’ll be able to do the half-marathon for BCH, I’m all for it.

Tomorrow should be fun – or, the kidney saga continues.

Tomorrow doesn’t sound like it’s going to be a good day. I mean; it should be – it’s my first Monday free forever from college, so it’s a Monday where I shouldn’t need my alarm on, I should be able to sleep in all day or lie around doing nothing – but, alas, I have to go to the hospital to have another scan on my kidneys. It’s really painful so I’m guessing that as soon as I get home, I’ll be in my pyjamas and under my quilt all day, so expect many self-pitying blogs (hey, so what else is new?!) tomorrow. You have my permission to ignore everything I post.

I’ll only hold it against you forever.

Still, things could be worse – at least I’m one step closer to eliminating what isn’t wrong with me and finding out what is, and hopefully it’s residual pain that will fade soon. When I look at things in perspective, I’m lucky – I’m still alive, I have my family, I have my future ahead of me. There’s always something to be thankful for, and I have a lot of somethings 🙂

So…

That was my story. And I accept that there will be some people, who consider themselves to be my friends, who might not want to be friends with me after that. But that’s alright – if my illnesses, and the fact that I’ve faced up to them, makes you uncomfortable being around me, then I’d be uncomfortable being around you. It’s taken a lot for me to write all that out, and I hope it will be of some help to people. If you’re uncomfortable with me discussing the experiences I’ve had, don’t read it – simple as.

To those of you going through what I’ve been through, here are some links you might find helpful –

  • Samaritans – 08457 90 90 90 / jo@samaritans.org (UK)
  • PAPYRUS/HOPELineUK – 0800 068 41 41 (UK)
  • http://www.befrienders.org (worldwide)
  • National Hopeline Network – 1-800-SUICIDE (USA)
  • S.A.F.E (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives – http://www.selfinjury.com
  • The Trevor Project – LGBTQ youth crisis/suicide prevention network – 866-4-U-TREVOR (USA)

All of the above sources provided by the To Write Love On Her Arms website, http://www.twloha.com .