I’m developing an unhealthy obsession with Train.

(To clarify, I mean the band, not the vehicle).

I don’t know what it is, but that band just seems to describe my life. Their albums are so half-and-half – sometimes you get the most ridiculously happy, cheerful songs that can brighten your day when you hear them, like “Hey Soul Sister” and “50 Ways To Say Goodbye”. Sometimes you get the songs where you can tell there’s a real story behind them – and probably not a happy one – like “Drops of Jupiter”.

I haven’t heard a song of theirs that I don’t like yet. There are some that I like, and some that I absolutely adore – I want “Hey Soul Sister” and “Marry Me” played when I get married – but I’ve yet to find one that I dislike. I love how personal they are – none of their songs are repetitive, and they don’t have that irritating “Boom-boom” beat, or autotuned meaningless lyrics – you can tell that every song is about someone, or some event that has happened, and more often that not you can relate to that. The variety of instruments – I mean, they helped re-introduce the ukulele to mainstream music, they use a Mariachi band in one of their songs, and sometimes they stick with the traditional guitar and drums, and every song they sing works. It just all works together.

I suppose there’s also a personal reason for why I like them so much – they’re “our” band. Yes, me and my fiance have a band, and that band is Train. We play and sing the songs to each other when we’re apart – like now, when we can only properly communicate via webcam chat, so we give each other mini concerts, and Train is often a popular choice – he usually chooses “Hey Soul Sister”, and my personal preference to perform is “Marry Me”. Every time I hear a Train song; whether that’s on the radio, or in a TV advert, or just because I’ve got them on my computer and like to listen to it to chill out, I think of him and it never fails to make me smile. Train plays a big part in keeping me sane while I’m away from him, which is why I can’t wait to go and see them in February.

On the difficulties of distance.

This post is dedicated to someone in particular, and he knows who he is, but I’m writing it to illustrate just how hard it is to be apart from someone you love with all your heart.

I’m engaged to a wonderful, amazing man. I can’t help but smile when I see his cheeky grin, he can make me laugh with the things he says and he’s also the most caring, generous, loving person I’ve ever met. He never puts himself first, no matter how many times I’ve told him to. He’ll always think of others first. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man – I want to marry him and have a family with him, and if I could, I’d spend all my free time with him.

Now we’re going through possibly the biggest challenge we’ve ever faced – I’m now living an hour and a half away from him. “An hour and a half isn’t too far away”, I hear you scoff. Maybe, but petrol is expensive, and so are bus tickets, and even though we make the best of it, we can’t see each other as often as we want to. Next time I see him will be the first weekend of October, and whilst it’s less than two weeks away, it still feels like such a long time. We chat via webcam, and we call each other, and text all the time, but it’s not the same as being able to hug and kiss each other and just be together. I’d give anything right now to be cuddling up next to him, keeping warm in the cold and rain, rather than writing this blog post about how much I miss him.

I’ve taken him for granted in the past – I figured he’d always be right next to me, and I never realized just how much difference the distance between us would make. I knew I’d miss him, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for how much. Still, I know we’ll make it through this, because we’re both working hard to make a good future for us as a couple and eventually a family. It’ll all be worth it in the end, and I hope he knows that I love him so much – whether he’s ten minutes or two hours away, I’m his forever and I’m always there for him.

Forever can never be long enough for me

To feel like I’ve had long enough with you

Forget the world now, we won’t let them see

But there’s one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted

Love has surely shifted my way

Marry me…